Boy Scouts Child Sexual Abuse Survivor
Featured survivor of child sexual abuse in the documentary, “Boy Scout’s Honor”.
Author of the book "Finding Foxboro". Here are a few excerpts...
“Everyone called him ‘Uncle Bill,” Averhart writes, “and he seemed loved and respected by scouts and leaders alike. He soon took a liking to me and brought me under his wing. He talked to me about staying and becoming a staff member for the remainder of the summer, which I was greatly interested in. Although I was officially too young he informed me, … he could pull some strings to make it happen. When I said yes in excitement, he assured me he would make it so.”
“I endured these things in silence, knowing they were wrong, but not knowing what to do,” Averhart writes. “If I exposed him, everyone would discover what happened, that I had caused it and that I enjoyed it. I took what he told me to heart, vowing inside to keep it closely guarded."
“…I felt as if my shame and guilt were plain for all to see. Was I gay? I was confused about everything. “… That my shameful secrets should remain undiscovered from my friends and classmates was my greatest preoccupation.”
As for telling his parents, who knew he was hurting but not why:
“I was still too scared and ashamed to tell them the truth. I was frightened that no one would believe me if I came forward and that was a chance I was unwilling to take,” he writes.
Nor was it a black and white experience. Averhart loved scouting. Like his older brother, he wanted to become an Eagle Scout, and eventually did.
“My happiness was juxtaposed by my profound sorrow,” he writes of the years at Camp Miles. "The variety of educational experiences was intoxicating and exotic, offering things I could never accomplish at home, I loved getting to work the ropes course and having a cabin by the older boys. It was exciting to be away from home, living in the literal wilderness … .”
Over time, Sheehan changed, becoming more violent, he writes.
"If it was late at night or early in the morning, he would not hesitate to rape me. In order to keep me quiet, or perhaps because he got a thrill from controlling people, he began to shove my face in the pillow. Sometimes while being choked in my cot, I would only be partially unconscious and other times completely … .I was starting to fear for my safety.
"The thought of death sounded peaceful and quiet, things I desperately longed for. … I was nearing the end of my rope and it petrified me. I didn't know how much longer I could hang on."
Pushed to his limits, Averhart broke down one night in a counselor’s cabin. The Boy Scouts of America quickly removed Sheehan from Camp Miles, but local sheriff’s office investigators dismissed his claim.
“When a child tries to come out about abuse against a figure like that, they are almost always confronted with an uphill battle, due to the abuser’s carefully cultivated image and reputation,” Averhart writes.
After years spent trying to medicate his trauma with alcohol and drugs, Averhart is in therapy, remembering and facing his past.
“This predator had chosen a child experiencing his first throes of puberty, awash in hormones and indecision," he writes. “... I still smell the pine and penny royal mint. ... Here, where the sunlight gently filtered down through the trees and the sounds of nature filled the air, he would abuse me with enthusiasm. Being thusly introduced to my sexuality, by such perverse methods, is one in a long line of battles I fight to this day.”
In the course of writing Finding Foxboro, Averhart went through a near mental breakdown as he confronted his demons. Today, he says, he is better off for it.
“As I sit and write this over two years after finding Foxborough, I am able to say that I have come a long way, both emotionally and psychologically. There are so many stigmas that surround mental health issues and treatment, which must be confronted and faced down, especially for men.
“All of this has helped me come to accept two important facts. One, I am no less of a man because of my abuse as a child, and two, I know that I am not responsible for what was done to me.”
